I give up..

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August 16

Thought I'd best change this entry.. it sounded a bit desperate and sorry I worried some of you.. but thanks for the mails!
Had a bad night last night.. I have to go to get my results from the doctor today so I was worrying about that. I've not written it down before.. mainly because I think I'm too scared to say it! The word.. that I'm dreading the doctor saying.. I did ask him last week if I had it.. and he just said "I don't know". Which I suppose is better than "Yes".. but I was kind of expecting a "No".. I'm just hoping it's a No today..
As if that wasn't enough to get me worrying.. I also found out something else last night. It was a slap in the face, punch in the teeth, kick in the gut kind of thing..
The man.. that has been telling me he's in love with me, telling me he wants us to live together when he gets back from visiting his sick father, telling me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, telling me how much he misses me, telling me how special I am, telling me I'm beautiful, telling me I am the most important thing in his life, looks into my eyes and tells me he loves me as he's making love to me, holds me like he never wants to let me go.. it would seem has been telling some of these things to someone else all along!
Today of all days was not a good day to find this out! Of course he knows nothing about any of this.. I can't tell him just incase he really is visiting his sick father.. cos I wouldn't want to make things worse for him. Right now.. I'm not sure what I'm going to do and how I'm going to get through all of this..
I'll probably delete this entry later.. after I've had some sleep and thought it all through rationally.. got so much going through my mind right now I can't think straight.. I'll probably regret saying so much.. but for now I just need to get it all out..
xx

2:05 AM | Blog it

Comments (14)

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	~Bee~wrote: Hope your ok?? I haven't been around for a while as Jan's been here and it was my birthday (Jan actually leaves tomorrow, but I was havung spaces withdrawel symptoms so I had to get on.) Anyway, I hope writing stuff down helped you a little bit. I'm thinking of you. Lots of hugs!! Bee xx Aug. 17
	Jan Waleswrote: hope you are ok please let us know xx Aug. 17
	Bobwrote: Email me!! I need to know what's going on!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!! xo Bob~ Aug. 17
	Jan Waleswrote: Hello ickle Silver Fairy Dust hope you are ok hugs for you. Would you take the little man on my space and walk him over to yours. He can visit my daughter in Newport on the way xxx Aug. 17
	HRH Dafwrote: Hey Silver!! Hope thinking things through helps you sort your head out and Im really sorry to hear your results werent good. Sending great big virtual hugs and thinking bout you!! Much love Daf xx Aug. 16
	Stewrote: Hi Silver, Just feeling spry. So I thought I'd say Hi. Got to fly. Bye bye. Love & Laughter, Steve PS. Why must they put the Maltesers next to the ciggies in my local shop? They're playing havoc with my training regime....lol. Still, maybe I'll have one more before I re-seal the bag....... yeah right. Like that'll ever happen..... pml PPS. Take care Babe Aug. 16
	The Swamp wrote: Hope everything turns out ok for you xx Aug. 16
	HRH Dafwrote: Hey Silver!! Thinking about you hunny!!! Hope your test results are good!! Just a quicky now cos Ill come back later to see how you got on!! Big hugs Daf xx Aug. 16
	lisawrote: hiya aww just popped back from cvan to do somewashing hope your ok hun and thanks for popping over to me was going to say yes has been mad here and your quite calm house sounds appealing can i come and stay lol i ll tell karen she prob dont realise shes on private i have all the brains in the family lol im going back to van later but home prob for the night tomoz so will check back let me no how you got on at docs email me if you need to but keeping every thing crossed for you take care Lisa xx Aug. 16
	willwrote: ello u I came here today cos you usually crack me up with your humour. But today seems a bit of a sad day which I hope and am sure will be ok with regards to the visit to the docs. Ill be thinking of u today. with regards to the rest well whats there to say you deserve to be treated better and if its true there are plenty more people out there that would love to take his place. so i hope that u can still end the day smiling and maybe teach Libby to bite his ass takecare xx Aug. 16
	Jan Waleswrote: Sorry you are having such a tough time. You really cheered me up yesterday when I needed it so big fat fairy hug for you and hope it goes ok at docs for you. Hope you heart is mended soon too. xx Aug. 16
	No namewrote: Ditto Gary! I'm worried babe. If you don't call me by 10 I'm cover over! Richie xxxxx Aug. 16
	garywrote: NO..YOU NEVER GIVE UP.. YOU HAVE STRENTGH & DETERMINATION BY THE BUCKET LOAD.. XXX GARY Aug. 16
	Bobwrote: HUH???? What does that mean?? xo Bob~ Aug. 16

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