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    March 19

    Richie

    I had a friend, a special friend.. I've known him since I was 5 and he was 9.. he used to tease me then about my freckles and pull my pigtails.. but as we got older I came to rely on him like a big brother. I didn't always appreciate him and sometimes he treated me like shit.. but not intentionally and deep down he loved me with all his heart. We used to argue a lot, and sometimes we wouldn't speak for months.. but if ever I was in trouble he'd come running.. he was always there for me. Whether it was a midnight flight from New York or a midnight drive from London.. I could always rely on him. When I was ill last year, it was him that paid for me to go to a private hospital and get the best treatment.. it was him who stayed at my house and made sure everything was ok so that I didn't have to worry about anything.. it was him who sat with me and held my hair back as I was throwing up after I had chemo. He did all this knowing that his father had just died.. but didn't tell me because he was afraid it would stop me getting better.
     
    He could be a bit of a bastard.. a real ladies man.. could never settle down with one woman, always had to be on the look out for someone better.. Although he told me the reason for this was that he was looking for another me.. He asked me to marry him many times, I always turned him down.. the last time because I was in love with someone else.. that caused problems in itself.. the two of them fell out.. and a mutual dislike was formed. I was caught in the middle and felt like I had to choose between the man I was in love with and my best friend at times..
     
    I had a phone call.. from Richie's latest girlfriend. He'd been in a car crash.. pretty badly smashed up.. in a coma and lost a couple of limbs.. she told me she didn't want me to visit him. Then on Friday she was told he could be brain damaged and had lost an eye.. next time she contacted me was to tell me she was walking away..
     
    I went to see him on Saturday.. sat with him all through the night.. just babbling on to him. When I told him that Wales had beaten England in the Rugby game he squeezed my hand, and for a while I thought he was going to pull through. I sat there all night talking to him.. I couldn't sleep.. then about 5 O'Clock Sunday morning.. he spoke to me.. just a few words "I love your hair like that".. then he died.
     
    I knew he'd gone I could just feel the life drain out of him.. and I just sat and stroked his hand until one of the nurses came and took me into another room. I was really brave and didn't cry at all.. eventually I went back to the hotel and slept until the afternoon. I drove home last night.. and when I got home the tears started falling and they haven't stopped since.. he was so full of life.. so naughty, so caring, such a pain in the arse.. and I don't don't what I'm going to do without him in my life..
     
    I went to choose his coffin today.. I think that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.. he wouldn't have liked any of them, they were all too miserable and boring looking.. I told the man in the funeral home that I wanted a black shiney one with red devil horns.. cos that's the one he would have wanted.. he couldn't help with that though.. I have to arrange his funeral now.. because there is no one else to do it. I really don't know what I'm doing.. and its all so awful and confusing and I just want to get everything just right for him. Its the last thing I'll ever be able to do for him after all..
     
    I'm beginning to think I have done something really bad. Everyone I love dies. I've started to think I should just cut everyone off and go away and live on a desert island so I can't hurt anyone anymore.. This is the second of my close friends to die in a month! The 4th in just two years!!
     
    I'm bad luck and I really hate feeling this sad all of the time.. everytime things look like they're on the up something bad happens and just drags me back down so low I think I'll never be able to smile again.. Ever!
     
    I'm sorry Richie.. I'm sorry you died and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you more over the last year. I'll never forget you and will miss you for ever and ever..
     
    Love Scarlette
    xx

    Comments (14)

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    Picture of Anonymous
    Xijia wrote:
    Although, I don't know you but I was in tears while reading this page of blog.  very sorry for your loss. So much pain to watch the one you loved died. but I believe he felt peaceful and had no pity at the end of his life because he didn't die alone and  you were there for him.
    Hope you have a very good new life now. Take care!
    XX
    Feb. 21
    garywrote:
    just called to give you a hug.. hope someone was there to do it for real on friday..
    gary
    Apr. 1
    Came by to see your ok babes....thought about you all week...
    Be strong sweety
    Hugs & kisses
    Pinky
    x
    Mar. 30
    Jan Waleswrote:
    Just flew past to see how you is. Might be movin to Newport maybe will turn my life around can only keep my fingers crossed hugs for you x
    Mar. 30
    Louisewrote:
    Hey Thelma.
     
    Thinking of you today be brave and strong. He'll always be with you forever.
     
    (((BIG HUGS))) and bright blessings xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    Mar. 30
    Jan Waleswrote:
    I don't know what to say. There are no words can describe what you must feel now. Brave lady be strong. I am sure he knew when you held his hand in those last hours. Gutted for you. Gots leaky eyes. Big hugs for you  xxx
    Mar. 27
    Ive thought forever here for the right thing to say babes....
    So so sorry
    I cant begin to imagine your pain.  You are a very strong person and pulled through the past tragedies....it will take time babes but you can do it...
     
    You were there for him when he needed you & thats what counts :)
     
    Love & Hugs
    Thinking of you :)
    Mar. 23
    Elliewrote:
    I am so sorry that such a special person has been taken from your sight, but he is still with you. You were there at the right time to help him leave he's shattered shell, he is no longer in pain or suffering and he died knowing you loved him and where there for him no matter what!
     
    I dont understand why these things happen to us, like you say you just pull yourself up from one awful thing and another knocks you down again. I agree with Bob you are a very brave and strong woman, dont stress too much over the funeral. Due whats in your heart and it will be the right thing. Your memories are the best thing to remember him by.
     
    Take care my dear friend and I pray you will find the strength for the following days and nights.
     
    Rest Well Richie and be at peace.
     
    My love Button x
    Mar. 22
    Hi silver,im so sorry to hear of your sad loss.
    I cant imagine how you must be feeling right now,
    But remember this,
    Those we love dont go away,
    They walk beside us everyday,
    Unseen,unheard,but always near,
    still loved,still missed and very dear.
    Take care and look after yourself.
    Bye Glo...
     
    Mar. 22
    HRH Dafwrote:
    Im so sorry for your loss Silver. Leaving you this cos it says it better than I could. 
     
    I cannot feel the pain you bear,
    Nor the emptiness that comes with losing someone dear,
    I do not know how many times you have wept,
    How many dreamless nights you have slept,
    I see, though, that you are in mourning,
    Of a cherished soul that left before the day’s dawning,
    My dear heart, I weep too,
    In my prayers, I place you.
    He hasn’t fully passed away,
    Believe me, he’s with you everyday,
    As long as he’s your treasured stone,
    His love will comfort you when in pain you groan,
    He takes every step you take,
    Though his reflection may not appear on the face of a lake,
    Like true soul mates you are,
    He’ll be your guiding star.
    Don’t you worry, he didn’t sleep alone,
    The angels were there to guard their own,
    That is why you should smile,
    With your fate, you should reconcile,
    Maybe his departure is a sign,
    Maybe he is your passing angel, your future vine,
    Bleed no more, you will be blessed,
    You will be seen through this difficult test.
     
    Your in my thoughts,  much love Daf xx
    Mar. 21
    willwrote:
    I disnt know Richie at all but do know you were both lucky
    to have been there for each other through lifes rocky road.
    If you believe in people looking after you he will still be
    there looking down on you, you will know the right paths to take.
    Allthough yhings will get easier you will always remember the good times you surely had
    and this will ease the pain.
    takecare
    x
    Mar. 20
    Louisewrote:
    Hey Thelma.
     
    Well I didn't know Richie for that long, while you were ill we chatted about stuff and how worried he was about you and about all that other stuff going on at that time. He was a lovely bloke, sat and listened to me droning on and on but always managed to make me laugh and cheer me up give me bum a kick and say come on Lou. It's so sad that he's gone and don't ever think any of that silly nonsense that you do about everyone dies and stuff cos it's not you it's just the way of the world, just life. Doesn't matter how long we get babe it ain't ever enough is it. Made me think about things a lot after getting the news and thankyou for telling me. You were blessed to have such a wonderful friend.
     
    I'm sorry you've had all this to go through Scarlette, doesn't seem fair at all I know. It will all work out in the end lol I know I always say that but it does and if you think that then it will somehow. We've all been there in our own ways but don't ever give up babe. One day the pain will begin to lessen and joy will replace it. Be strong chick you can do it and Richies still there right next to you.
     
    Bright Blessings xxx
    Mar. 20
    Bobwrote:
    I didn't want to be the first to comment so I'm glad Gary did!   His words were perfect and I couldn't express my feelings better!  I talked to Richie a few times thru spaces but really didn't know him!!  But he sounds like he was a great guy and I'm sure he loved you VERY much!  I'm glad that you were with him at the end. I'm sure that you eased his pain.  I'm also sure that he's smiling down on you now and saying Thank You!!  Try to be strong but don't feel guilty about any 'bad luck' thing!  Luck happens or it doesn't and no one can control it! 
     
    I'm so proud of you and how you've handled the tragedies you have suffered recently.  You know, in your posts you come off as a silly, accident-prone, loopy woman, but in reallity you are the strongest women I know!!  I'm proud to be your friend!! And I love you for who you are!!
     
    Nite...  xoxo Bob~
    Mar. 20
    garywrote:
    you were there for him love..at the end,,when it counted..he was aware of it..and it will have made him feel better..he was blessed to have a friend like you.he loved you.thats why he enjoyed giving you so much grief..and damn ..he was good at it..  he was the only bloke i ever felt like talking to on here.. he will be missed..but he will also be fondly remembered...
    bad things happen..you have no control over it...its random..some are lucky..this type of loss passes them by..others are not so lucky..but make their friends proud by handling the pain with strength & dignity...richie would be proud of you..hell..he allways was...
    the pain will pass with time.. and his memory will make you smile..instead of cry..  xx   gary
    Mar. 19

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